Parenting after Infertility

Before we were parents...before we knew whether God would bless us with the opportunity...I used to resent (and admittedly judge) other parents for complaining about their kids or complaining about how hard it was to be a parent.  After all, they had the best gift ever!  Hello!  How could they not see this?  Couldn't they look past the momentary affliction to see the glory of God's gift?

I have a confession.  After trying for so long to get pregnant, I thought that nothing about being a parent would be as hard as WAITING TO BE A PARENT!  We tried so long and shed so many tears.  Surely once our prayers were answered, life would be a breeze.  Admittedly, the outlook was a bit (okay really) naive.  The truth is being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done.  It is also the most rewarding thing I've ever done.  But it is not a breeze. 

I promised myself that if and when I got pregnant, I wouldn't complain about anything.  Not stretch marks or back aches or sore feet or kicks in the nether-regions (haha).  I did pretty well with that (with exception of the kicks ...oww!).  I absolutely loved being pregnant!  I also thought that I would never complain about the difficulties of parenting or lose my patience with my child or ..... the list goes on.  But when I became a parent, I was shocked at how difficult it was.  Everyone tells you about the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding woes, and such, but until you actually go through it, you just can't understand.  The decisions are endless and there are so many things that a parent can worry about...things from this morning's feeding schedule to where you will get money to buy your child's hockey equipment, not to mention college tuition!  There are development milestones to achieve and countless diseases and illnesses to avoid.  One could go crazy!  At first, I was so ashamed that I found parenting this difficult and frustrating, especially after longing to have a child for so long.  But when you're in the moment and your baby won't feed or won't sleep, it's hard to remember all of the longings and pleading prayers! 

It took me a while to realize that it's okay to feel frustrated and to find parenting sometimes difficult.  It doesn't mean that I'm a bad mom.  It means that I am NORMAL!  All that said, parenting is also the most rewarding experience I've ever had.  When Joshua smiles and coos at me or notices something new about the world, I forget the sleepless nights and the feeding woes, and I remember why I wanted to become a parent in the first place! 

God uses all of the ups and downs of parenting to bring us to a greater dependence upon Him.  The first few nights after we got home from the hospital, I was petrified to go to sleep.  What if Joshua stopped breathing in the middle of the night?  I wouldn't be able to do anything about it!  Every night...sometimes many, many times each night, I would pray that God would sustain Joshua through the night.  And after a few nights, I began to really believe that Joshua's life was and is in His hands alone.  And His hands are mighty to sustain and to save.  All His ways are right and good.  And I must depend upon Him to keep Joshua alive and healthy as well as make me the best parent I can be, which I also pray for constantly!

When I am anxious or worried about things large or small, I remember and pray Philippians 4:6-7.  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Here are some updated Joshua pics from Pappy!